Unschooling Ruminations

I’m taking a break from my posting series to talk about a really disturbing story I read the other day. Unfortunately, it’s not the first of its kind, nor will it be the last as long as our educational system has its priorities upside down.

The story, which you can read here, is about a 6-year old kindergarten child who was not allowed to use the restroom during standardized testing (yes, there is standardized testing in kindergarten). So, in the middle of testing, the little girl, who was suffering from diarrhea, had no choice than to use the bathroom in her pants. Not only did she experience that embarrassment, but was then further humiliated by being made to SIT in it for the remainder of the test (about 15 minutes). It was only after that time that her mother was called, who then had to drive 20 minutes to the school. During this entire time, the little girl was never cleaned up. When her mother arrived, she was horrified to find her daughter sitting in poop, which was coming up out of her pants, and wrapped around her waist with a garbage bag.  I believe this experience will be a defining one in this little girl’s life. She had to be traumatized and humiliated. She will never forget that day, especially if the other kids choose to remind her.

In what world is it okay to treat any human being this way? Why would something as asinine as a standardized test come before the dignity and bodily needs of our youngest children?  Of course, the superintendent ”wishes the school had handled it differently,” but the problem lies in our basic assumptions about children and education.

First, the teacher was being such a stickler for the rules because she was “preparing” the kids for the 3rd grade standardized tests, when they would not be allowed to use the bathroom during the test. This logic is baffling to me. They won’t be allowed to in three years, so we must prepare them now by using the same rules?  In fact, a lot of the decisions made in school are based on this type of logic. “You won’t be able to wear pajamas to work when you’re an adult, so you can’t wear them to school,” or “You won’t be able to play outside all day when you grow up, so you can’t do it now.” It seems to me, the opposite should be true: this is their chance to wear pajamas out and to play all day. They’re kids.  You don’t have to prepare someone for something restrictive by being restrictive. In fact, you should give them their freedom. If you knew you’d be going on a fast, wouldn’t you prepare by eating a lot of good food? Or, would you prepare by fasting? If you were going to go to jail, would you prepare by keeping yourself in your room all day?

Second, these rules, no matter what age, are an example of how our educational culture continues to place testing and assessment over the actual learning and needs of the individual child in the classroom.  Because of a fear of cheating on a test, which would thereby make the results of the test invalid, our children are confined to their desks for a long period of time. But, most educators would agree, this test measures very little in the first place. The results can change depending the kind of day the students are having, the weather outside, whether they ate breakfast or not, etc.  Yet our system places the outside chance of a child cheating on a test that measures very little over their basic human needs.

Of course, test time is not the only time that kids are restricted when it comes to bodily functions. They have to ask permission to drink water, go to a nurse, and use the restroom. Think about that. As an adult, what if your boss made you ask permission to the use the restroom? Not only that, but you had to ask in front of 30 of your peers, so that everyone knew what you were about to do. Furthermore, your boss may even tell you “no” and you would have to sit back down, with everyone around you knowing that you were holding your bladder.  Can you imagine working there? And, can you imagine trying to get your work done while having to pee but not being allowed? If an office like that existed, I would bet they wouldn’t keep their employees long, and the ones they had would hate it, feel resentful and frustrated, have low morale, and would not be very productive. And the employer would probably face lawsuits with those types of policies. But, if we do it to children, it’s okay.

Continue reading

Thanks for sticking with me on my prolonged post series answering questions from a reader: Zoemaster. Sorry it’s taking me a little longer to get through them than I intended. I’m also in the process of starting a new school, so blog writing is often lower on my list of priorities. If you want to read posts one, two and three, click on the links. The next question from Zoemaster is:

4) Can’t children go to a public school and isn’t it the parents’ job to nurture curiosity and exploration above and beyond school?

This is what many parents strive to do, with great intentions.  The problem is, there are only so many hours in the day. High school kids go to school for seven hours a day, then often have band or sports practice for two to three hours after school, come home around 6 or 7, eat dinner, start homework and finish around bedtime. Then they get up to do it all again the next day. If they are sports players, they usually have additional practice and games on weekends. If not, their weekends are taken up with family activities, more homework, or what adults think of as being “lazy.” (In reality, they just need a break or are pursuing their interests, but those interests are not valued by their parents. More on this in a future post.)

If parents try to “nurture curiosity and exploration,” they often go about it in a pushy way, and kids resist it. Many parents have a “you must play one instrument and one sport” rule. Or, “if you start something, you have to finish it, even if you hate it” rule.  This is tantamount to more coercive education and does little to actually pique the child’s interest. I believe that curiosity and the desire to explore are basic human functions. Children (and adults) do this automatically, without having to be nurtured towards that. In reality, our main role is to not get in the way, or try to push our own agenda.

Many parents can nod along with that last paragraph, but they put on the breaks with the final sentence. It’s difficult for parents to give up control of what their child learns. They may feel comfortable with it for one child, who loves to read and play the violin, but then would not allow it for another child who wants to play basketball and Dungeons and Dragons. When you give up control, and allow kids to explore, you can’t set limits on what they explore (well, except perhaps in the area of propriety).

Unschoolers have a term: strewing. This is the act of placing books, DVDs, CDs, computer programs around the house, so that it’s available for the students to pick and explore.  To me, this is basically living life. You can do this on purpose, or you can just live your life with interesting resources around you and see what your kids gravitate towards.

But, does it work in conjunction with compulsory schooling? I don’t think so. Kids need down time in order to explore their interests. Their brains need a break before they can throw their energy into something they love. But, we don’t give them a break.  Our kids are over-scheduled. They have very little free time, and what time they do have, they have to use for recuperation.  The first thing that is sacrificed in this struggle for time, is exactly what our students want to spend more time doing.  And they, along with our society as a whole, are suffering for it.

Up next: The big worry: What if they just want to watch TV all day?

Continue reading

I’m on the third of a continuing series answering a list of questions from a reader. You can also read my first and second posts.

3) Are public schools that damaging, horrific and why?

Oh boy. Are you trying to get me in trouble? First, the politically correct, not as offensive answer: traditional schooling does work for some people. It is set up for kids who enjoy pats on the back, pleasing others, external rewards, etc. I was actually one of those kids. I so liked to make people proud of me that I threw myself into schoolwork. Also, I loved the recognition and status that came along with a high GPA.  So, I was motivated to do the work. In such, I did not think that school was that terrible while I was there. Of course, I also remember very adamantly stating that I would not repeat high school if you paid me. Think about it: how many people actually enjoy school? No one expects you to enjoy it. It’s supposed to be boring and difficult, and you’re supposed to dislike it.

This brings me to my real answer: yes, it is horrific. Even the kids who “succeed” at doing school, are really being done such a disservice.  Have you seen the YouTube video of the high school valedictorian speaking out against school during her graduation speech?  She has done everything “right,” and has been a model student – a poster child for traditional schooling – and yet she has very few real skills and knows very little about her own passions and interests.

At this point, our school system has become all about standardization and assessment. There really is no room for actual learning.  So, what the system really teaches is how to “do school”: how to pass a test (memorize, regurgitate, forget), how to plagiarize without getting caught, how to “get through” a class.  A majority of information taught in school is completely forgotten by the time of graduation.

What’s more, it’s compulsory, i.e. forced, upon our children. Think about this: at what other time in life is it okay to force a person to be in a particular place for a lengthy period every day against their will? I know only of one other time that is okay – if you are in prison. In fact, this school/jail analogy has been used numerous times, and by people much smarter than me. Many students feel as though they are trapped. But, it’s not just a feeling. They really are trapped. They hate what they do all day. This is their childhood, the only one they get, and we are putting them in a situation where they don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Many kids develop anxiety and physical illness because of how much they hate school. But, because they are kids, we feel as though we can force them do it. They don’t have the right to determine what to do with their own time, merely because of their age.

As adults, we have a particular standard for our own careers. We want to love our job. We want to enjoy going to work, and to feel as though we are doing something worthwhile. If my husband told me (as he has in the past) that he hates his career and wants to look into another career path that he would find more inspiring, we would make that a goal and work toward making it happen. Why do we not have the same standard for our children? They should enjoy their days even more. They’re children, for goodness sake. They should be playing, doing things they find interesting, and generally loving life. Instead, because of the basic assumption that kids must go to school, and that school must include a particular set of things they must learn, our children are hating their days much more than their parents are. At least their parents have some choice in their job, even if it’s not really something they love. And, the adults have the ability to make a change in what they do day-to-day, unlike their kids.

So, though I may be stepping on toes and I might offend some of my public school colleagues, I must argue that school really is that horrific. And that even the students who don’t feel like prisoners actually are, and they are losing a significant portion of their lives without gaining much from it. Because in the end, a degree from a traditional high school only signifies that you do what you are told. It has little to do with actual learning or thinking.

Up next: Can’t you encourage your child to follow his passions while he is in traditional school?

Continue reading

This is the second in my series answering questions from a reader. The first post is here.

2) If in fact, the child does decide that s/he would like to study physics, I’d venture to guess that the majority of unschooling parents don’t know enough about physics to do it justice. I know I certainly wouldn’t. What then?

This question is taken out of context, but essentially it is, “How do you meet your child’s desire to learn something about which you are ignorant?” The concept of learning physics as a whole subject (and the fact that the world isn’t really divided up that way) was addressed in my last post.

Thankfully, this is a relatively easy problem to solve. Assuming that a child is delving into a new area of learning, and they continue to show interest in it and want to get deeper, they have numerous resources other than their parents. In fact, most unschoolers learn things completely independent of their parents.  A parent may be called upon to be creative in finding ways to meet this need, but there is a whole world of possibilities out there, many of which are unavailable to children in school.  What’s more, this is exactly how an unschooled (or free schooled) child becomes an independent thinker, and a person who knows exactly how to learn something, rather than just sitting and waiting to be told information.

Let’s take a simple example. My son (who, granted, is three), is very interested in cars and trains. At this point, his main interaction with them is through toys. He holds races, tows cars around, etc.  But, we are always looking for ways to expand his experience with these things. (I would argue that most parents of pre-schoolers do the same. Our society just believes it is no longer a valid way of learning from the ages of 5 to 18.) So, we’ve taken our son on a train ride and to a car show. We borrow videos about rock crawler races. My father-in-law, an avid racing fan, talks to him about races and different parts of cars and my son helps my husband maintain our cars. What if he wants to know more about how a train works or what a conductor does? Well, we could easily look it up online or head to the library. We could go to a train museum or even find a local train enthusiast. We’ve even found very realistic train simulators for the computer.

What if the subject is more complex? What if a high schooler wants to learn about neuroscience? Well, at this age, kids are often very self-sufficient in their learning. If they have questions that can’t be answered online, you could take them to a local university library. You could also pursue classes at a local college or even an online university or find films on the topic.  You could even contact a local neuroscientist to talk to your student.  (Randomly, I have two friends I went to college with who are now neurologists. Hey, I bet you could look at your own alumni network and find someone who could teach your child about something they are interested in.)

We live in an age where finding out more about a topic is relatively easy. The important part is that they are allowed the freedom to do so. And, when they’re done with that topic and don’t really care to know more, we must respect that and give them the space to find their next passion.

What things have you done to help your child follow his or her interest?

Next post: Are public schools REALLY that horrible?

Continue reading

Recently, a reader commented on a post with a long list of questions. The questions seem to be coming from a curious outsider; a schooled person who doesn’t quite see what all these unschoolers are complaining about. So, instead of answering the questions with another comment, I decided to start a series of blog posts to answer them in depth and to the best of my abilities.

1.  How do children know what they don’t know? Unschoolers say that children pick their own curriculum, but if they have never been exposed to physics for example, how do they know whether or not they would like to study it?

The framing of this question tells me that the asker is coming from a schooled paradigm. The first thing to do is to completely shift your view of knowledge. In life, and in the “real” (a.k.a. non-school) world, knowledge is not divided into subject areas. We don’t really expect a child to suddenly take up an interest in physics as a complete subject area, because it’s a construct.  Also, unschoolers do not say that the children will pick their own curriculum. In fact, you’ll be hard pressed to find any unschooler who labels what their child learns as “curriculum.”  Throw out those schooly concepts of subject areas and curriculum entirely – they are not found in real life. Instead, allow a person, regardless of age, to follow their interests and watch how much they learn. If a child is particularly excited about, Legos, for example. He or she may first start by constructing buildings based on diagrams found in a kit. Then they may start designing their own buildings and even entering contests or communities in which they share their Lego creations. There are even contests where kids create Lego robots.  What subject area is this? Well, it may involve many things from different areas: architecture, design, problem solving, robotics, logic, artistic creation, and even being part of a community.

The question asker seems to be getting at another concern: exposure. If a child is not exposed to something (which, in this person’s mind, means being taught about it), how will they know that they like it?  Thankfully, this has never been much of an issue for unschoolers. We live in a world where underexposure is almost an impossibility. With multimedia and the internet, being exposed to information is a constant state of being. In fact, we may desire for our children to NOT be as exposed and to have more peace and quiet so they have a chance to process information.

On the flip side, I would argue that most schooled children are not exposed to many areas that would be more valuable and to which unschooled children may be exposed. From all the world of knowledge, school endeavors to “teach” children only a small sliver.  Much of the things they are taught will not be useful to them in their life paths. In fact, much of it will not actually be learned at all. So, schools spend an inordinate amount of time trying to force kids to learn information that is currently or will be obsolete, and which they will promptly forget anyway. They are thereby robbing that child of time they could spend actually learning (not memorizing, regurgitating, then forgetting) information that interests them.

Let me give you an example. Say a high school student loves photography, and she spends as much time as she can with her camera. But, soon her grades in math and history start slipping. What is our response? What would her parents do? What would her teachers recommend? Likely, they will make her stop playing around with her camera so much and start studying math and history. Photography is devalued in favor of information that she will never need in her career as a photographer. And, if she does need that information later? She will learn it as she needs it.

Just remember, the years between 5 and 18 are not times when humans magically stop learning on their own. Before five, our kids brains develop more than they will in the rest of their lives. They learn an incredible amount of stuff, and all without the benefit of direct instruction. After eighteen, adults go back to learning in that same way. We want to know about something that we’re interested in, so we pursue that knowledge.

So, how will our kids be exposed to information? By doing what the rest of us do – living life.  Whereas schools pull from a limited amount of information to teach kids, unschoolers and free schoolers pull from the entire world of information.

Next up: How do you meet your child’s desire for information when you know nothing about that subject?

Continue reading

As I proselytize the gospel of learner-centered education, I have come across the same concern over and over. I shouldn’t be too surprised, it would be a concern of mine, if I were still thinking from a traditional paradigm. The question is, “After democratic school (or unschooling), what do kids do? How many of them go to college? What kinds of jobs do they get?”  This isn’t necessarily the same concern as, “How would an unschooler get into college?” or “How would an unschooler be able to take college courses after never being in a classroom?” It’s a pure question of outcomes. What they are asking for is success rates.

There are a couple of problems with trying to answer this question. First, the numbers, as far as I can find, aren’t really out there. Yes, I have read some statistics here and there. For example, Daniel Greenberg of Sudbury Valley School, has said on more than one occasion that 100% of SVS students who want to go to college get in, and usually to their first choice. There was also an offhanded statement about the fact that 80% of SVS students do go to college. So, perhaps we can find spotty stats for individual schools.  Certainly, I can find nothing for unschoolers or free schoolers as a whole. (If you know about something like this, please share!)

The second problem is, to me, more important. Those of us in the unschooling/free schooling community do not see college attendance or career choice and subsequent salary as a measure of success. A.S. Neill was known to say, and I think I’ve quoted it here before, that he would rather Summerhill produce a happy street sweeper than a neurotic prime minister.  So, the measure of success, from my view would be how happy and fulfilled the graduate is in his or her life. As such, many free schools resist collating or providing statistics. They do not want to perpetuate the belief that college attendance is the be all and end all.

But there has to be a middle ground here. We need to be able to convince people of the efficacy of child-led learning, and many parents are concerned about college attendance. I wonder, and I’m just musing here, if there is a way to measure happiness. My husband, a dabbler in metrics, assures me that there is.  Yes, we could provide basic information on what students do after they graduate, but could we delve deeper? How about if we see how many life-learners become innovators in their field? And then compare that number to the general public? Wouldn’t that indicate that they are following their passions? Of course, we could always just interview as many as possible and ask them if they are interested in their work, but it would be hard to know who was giving us the answers we want.

There are also existing polls that measure anxiety or fulfillment. I would theorize that unschooling and free schooling grads would measure better on these types of polls than the rest of the country. But, at this point, we don’t know. To be honest, I want to do this work.  Having some hard and fast proof, there in black and white, could go a long way toward legitimizing this philosophy, and perhaps even creating stronger footholds in our culture and educational system.

What are your thoughts? Can you measure happiness? Would these types of statistics be helpful or harmful to the leaner-centered movement? Is anything like this out there already?

Continue reading

A couple of years ago, our family discovered  live feed of a nesting barn owl. The sitting, hatching and raising of the little owlets was followed closely by about 6000 viewers, among them our 14 month old son. This year, there are a lot of nesting cams to choose from. I love these cameras for many reasons:

• We are watching animals in their natural habitats – no zoos (which make me feel uneasy) required
• The cameras are completely non-intrusive  for the birds
• My kids can see birds, eggs, nests, and hatchlings up close. And, they see the parent birds bring food, take turns nesting, and even leaving the eggs alone for hours. Questions always ensue.

Continue reading

Trying to distill unschooling or free schooling into one coherent thought can be challenging. We can go on and on about the benefits of child-led education – how it allows them to learn to learn, how children are natural learners and we just need to nurture that. We could talk about the huge problems with coercive education – the fact that it robs children of the joy of learning, that it creates anxiety and stress in a time of life that should be carefree.

But, deeper than the education part of unschooling, there is something more. This way of life, this philosophy about children, it’s all about respect. Even if it didn’t lead to a better education. Even if it didn’t create adults who follow their passions and embrace their individuality. A learner-centered philosophy is, at heart, a respectful philosophy. Children are people. They are worthy of respect. The fact that any adult thinks that they know what a child will need to learn for their life is ludicrous. And then, the fact that they force that child to learn it against their will is downright disrespectful.

When we respect our children as being whole people, capable of real opinions, emotions, desires and passions, we free them. They not only learn to value themselves, and therefore to become more confident, but they learn to value others. Many adults strive to teach kids to respect them by force.  You may be able to force a child to do what you want, but that doesn’t mean they respect you.  In fact, it usually leads to the opposite. And the child, while outwardly doing the thing you are making them do, is inwardly resentful and hateful toward you.

The only true way to teach respect, is to be respectful. You don’t have to be an unschooler to do this, but it’s hard to be an unschooler and not do it.

Continue reading

respect, respecting authority

I’m holding the next school informational meeting on April 19th at 7pm at the El Toro Library. Go to the Events page to find out more.

Continue reading

democratic school, Free School, meeting