Unschooling Ruminations

For some reason, there has lately been a buzz about teaching/learning reading. My unschooling Yahoo group had a long discussion about it (i.e. “don’t worry – they all learn to read”), Peter Gray wrote an insightful blog post about it, Idzie blogged about her journey into reading, and, on the other side of the issue, Parenting magazine ran an article about our kids “falling behind” because they don’t learn to read early enough, I have been bombarded by people selling reading programs, friends worrying about teaching their young children to enjoy reading, and more.

With all of this buzz about this topic, I just wanted to add my two cents.  I whole-heartedly embrace the unschooling philosophy that children will learn to read when they are ready – whether it is at 3 or 13 years old.  Many won’t even know how they learned, it will just be organic in the same way the speaking and walking are organically learned. We don’t have daily speaking lessons for 12 month olds, so why must we force 3 year olds to sit through daily reading lessons? And how interesting do you think “Ann and Dan ran” really is?

But, those on the other side must say, “There are plenty of people who were never taught to read, and they remain illiterate! How do you know that your child will learn if you never teach them?” Easy. Unschooling parents do not let their children run around in rags, fending for themselves. They are not uninterested in their child’s environment. Much the opposite. And unschooling parent is very aware of the child’s environment, because what that child takes interest in will lead his or her education. And, so, we surround our kids with resources – books, magazine, videos, computers, toys, games, etc. We play along with them and watch what they gravitate towards. We read to them constantly, and re-read the books they love over and over.

Unschooled children learn to read because they can’t not learn to read. They are surrounded by it, just as all children are surrounded by food.  Offer a child food, and they will consume it and will show their preferences. The same is true for books.

I forsee a day in the future when someone in my life expresses concern over the age at which my children read. To be honest, I’m a little terrified of this day.  I fear the disapproving looks from family members and the looks of pity from friends. But, I will not sacrifice my child’s love of reading because of peer pressure. We must have a long view on reading. A child may be able to say, “A is for alligator,” at 3  years old, but will that same child have a passion for words as a teenager?  Not likely if they are forced to read (as all school children are).  But unschooled children discover the joy of reading as if they were the first. And that joy doesn’t diminish.

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early literacy, reading

My son has recently begun hating his carseat. In particular, he hates getting into it. I quickly realized that if I just hold him down for enough time, he will soon stop fighting and shortly after will stop crying. This is a very common parental response – make them do what you want until they lose the will to fight. And, sometimes, it’s necessary (especially when their health or safety is involved).

But, I became dissatisfied with this method of securing my son into his seat. I didn’t want the car to become something he dreaded, or something he feared. He should enjoy his day. So, I came up with another process that includes taking a lot more time, playing with a few toys and slowly working into the seat. Surprise, surprise: It works!  And, now he doesn’t throw very many fits if I do just skip straight to the seat and skip the toys.

What does this have to do with unschooling? Well, if you’ve read  any of my other posts, you may realize that I often take lessons from infanthood and extend them across childhood – and this one is no different.

I came to realize that my son’s experience was as important as mine.  Most parents do what they can to “make it” through the day. And, that can be a valid strategy occasionally. But, it should not be a way of life. Childhood is not for the parent – it is for the child. The child’s experience and perspective of the activities should be considered as important as the parent’s.  In the case of belting my child into his carseat, I was thinking, “I have to go to the bank, the grocery store, and the post office. Let’s get this kid in here so we can get going.” But my son has no internal need to go to those places. He’s being dragged along to my errands – a very tedious thing to a child. So, the least I can do is make the experience a little more fun for him.

So it is with education. Our society is so focused on the adult’s perspective of education, dragging the kids along to the various subjects and curricula. But we forget that childhood is for the children. It is their experience and perspective that should be respected. Instead, we hold them down until they have lost the will to fight.  And that is a tragedy.

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Yes, I have dropped off. In other words, we’ve bought a house. And now my life is completely revolving around said house – decorating, kitchen renovations, moving, setting up a play area, cleaning carpets – and on and on. Not that I’m just logging on to give excuses, but that’s my excuse.

I’ve still been reading and thinking about unschooling, just haven’t had the time or cognitive energy to formulate those thoughts into a cohesive post. I hope to come up for air in a few weeks, after everything has settled down. I can write from my new office, sitting at my new desk (or the one that has been in storage), and ruminate on the mysteries of our schooled society. Until then, though, you might not want to expect too much of me.  Just know that I’m still here and still planning to get back into regular posting and tweeting in the somewhat near future.

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My hubby and I are watching the series “Kyle XY” from the beginning. If you’re not familiar with the concept, a boy is found who remembers nothing and knows nothing about the world. He’s like a newborn 16 year old. At one point, he goes to the local high school to register (because, that’s what’s “done”), and has to take a bunch of aptitude tests to find out his grade level.  He is frustrated with many of the tests because they are on history and social studies, things he has no knowledge of. The narration contains an excellent commentary on our school system in one question: Isn’t school about asking questions, not answering them?

Needless to say, I immediately elbowed my husband. Kyle, this voice of an outsider to our culture, completely gets the entire problem with our educational system. And no one will ever notice. Yes, school SHOULD be a place to ask questions, not a place where you are expected to answer them.

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My son is now 9 months old. His days consist of waking up, eating, playing, napping, playing more, eating more, bath and bedtime. He’s not being very productive, is he? Well, at least that’s how many would react if he were, say, 9 years old. And, to be honest, I sometimes feel this way. I don’t think it’s a natural human reaction, but more of a cultural one. We see children playing all day and think, “Shouldn’t they be doing something productive with their day?”

We’re slaves to the concept of “productivity.” I often get to the end of a day and feel guilty that I didn’t get enough done. Hey, I’m a mom. Sometimes it’s an accomplishment that I ate at some point and that my son got his diaper changed at regular intervals, let alone what state the house is in, what writing I got done, if the bills were paid, etc.  And, I tell myself this all the time, but that doesn’t alleviate the guilt.  We all have felt this way, and are constantly working to do enough to make ourselves feel productive.

I think that’s why adults feel much more comfortable to confine kids to schools. We know that at school, kids must be productive. They must do math problems, read poems, write essays, etc.  That’s their “job.” Adults work, kids go to school, animals stay in zoos, criminals stay in prisons. That’s the natural order of things. Everything in its box. Everything is under control and tamed.

And, although I heartily disagree, I have been engendered to react this way. To myself, and even to my 9-month old, who actually is being very productive by taking two blocks and banging them together repeatedly.  This will be a reaction I will have to work on in the coming years.

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adults, productivity

Much time is spent talking about the kids who, in a traditional school setting, flounder and fail. These are the kids that concern the parents and politicians, and are often our impetus to find another way.

But, since I have a habit of comparing my now 9-month old son’s activities and learning experiences with that of school-aged children, I stumbled upon another metaphor.  And this one speaks to those kids who succeed at the game of school.

When you have a baby, numerous toys and activity “centers” are thrust at you, and you must decide, post haste, whether you believe they will help or hinder your child and your life. One such device is the walker.  At this point, most parents don’t have them around. But, you will run into a few who really don’t see any problems with it, and they invariably want to give you one.  Well, if you’re not a parent, or if you’re a parent who sings the praises of the walker, let me explain.  (A walker, my non-parent readers, is that contraption that allows non-walking infants to push themselves along the floor, a la Fred Flinstone.)  Aside from the tremendous safety risk posed by walkers (i.e. they can easily topple over, or worse, down stairs; your child is much faster than he should be and you suddenly find him headed straight for the open oven door, etc.), these devices have been shown to impede the development of actual walking. So, the child is given the benefits and rewards of very fast walking, without doing the work to attain it. They therefore have no motivation to actually learn to walk.  It’s a false success because once the walker is removed, the child no longer attains the same performance.

The system of grades and commendation within the school system can nurture the same false success for those students who excel at it. How many students do you know who received excellent grades, high test scores and top-notch class rankings, and when they graduated had a hard time succeeding in their job? Or, even more common, were directionless and unable to find something they truly enjoyed?  The school system is like a walker for babies. We can clap and say, “Look how fast you’re walking!” but once that system is taken away, many just collapse on the floor, unable to move. The system isn’t only unhelpful, it is actually detrimental to development. Schooled students end up years behind unschooled students in maturation and “real world” capabilities.

Children should learn life by really living, just as they learn to walk by really walking.

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grades, metaphor, school system

Idzie’s much anticipated e-zine is finally available. Go here to read her post about it, and here to download it in .pdf version. Thanks, Idzie!

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I started this blog out with a bang. Every day, I couldn’t wait to get some of my thoughts typed out and online. I always had about 10 more post ideas waiting to be fleshed out. But, then, the holidays hit and my quest for perfection took me out. I just couldn’t seem to muster the energy to create anything thought-provoking or interesting. So, I avoided it altogether.

I have decided, however, that I refuse to drop out of this community because of my low energy or high standards (for my own contributions). I just want to post and say, “I’m still here and I’m still thinking.” Just, not very clearly at times.

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I just read this lovely description of unschooling by Deb, a member of the unschooling-dotcom Yahoo! group. I enjoyed it so much, I just had to share it:

Unschooling, in essence, is exactly what you are already doing with your
3 year old – living life and letting learning happen in all sorts of
wonderful and exploratory ways – whether it’s spending time reading
stories together or exploring a local park or playing with water toys in
the bath. It’s life, it’s learning, it wonderful! Unschooling is simply
extending that trust in life learning or natural/organic learning into
the “school age” and not dividing life up into little boxes called
“math” or “history” but seeing all of life and learning as
interconnected.

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definition, description, life learning